I know, I know: who came up with that hula of a name? It might sound klassy und kultiviert in Stuttgart or Luzern but in London? I'm just not feeling it. Thankfully, fastidious staff at this concrete City box down from Monument station are anything but a gang of Grubsers. Here, the mission statement is to turn ‘each guest into a king.’ So long as it's not Charles I or Louis XVI, bei mir bist du schön bubbas - although I'll happily let my head be taken clean off by a sharp martini or six. Staying on a royal tip, Union Jack covered thrones are central to the split-level lounge’s Cool Britannia-by-numbers pose. Less clichéd, is its premise: fondue and cocktails to relax poor drones forced to work in ‘a world where thoughts and actions are determined by the institutional imperative.’ Bet they were thinking exactly that as they clock watched their way to 5.29 and 59 seconds. Try your luck with a royal gentleman (a fruity Jack Daniel’s and Chambord cooler) , bubbly Pink Heather or Tony Bennett (gin, cassis, triple sec and lemon) from a 50-strong list at £8.50 and dip into a deep caquelon - every wedding list should demand one, darling - of cheese, chocolate, brandy and walnut or salmon fondue. Cocktails and fondue for two - cha cha cha - cost £35 and daily deals help keep costs real. With wines from £17.75, this is a welcome City addition if you're up for a bit of cheesy behaviour. Invite Swiss Tony.
22 Fish Street Hill, EC3R 6DB 7283 1213 http://grubserslounge.com/
