("Hey, hey we're the Munkis")
Journos get sent tons of stuff from PRs. Fashion hacks get this season's top teal trench and trilby combo they adored when it was sent down a Milan runway. Me? Branded beer mugs, baseball caps, hoodies, printed hessian bags, shonky cocktail shakers and other must-have items marketing men imagine I can't live without. Hopefully, Oxfam has fed fifty starving Africans thanks to my re-gifting largesse. Any biked-over booze and food, I keep. You never know when you might be in the mood for Madagascan firewater and - a particular favourite, this - 'vagitearian savoory trail mix, maid in Mumbai.' The other week, blow me i a year's supply of tea bags wasn't dumped on my doorstep; with it, the crochet toy monkey thingy that is Johnny Vegas's foil in the brand's pyramid selling TV commercials. Maybe I'll gift him to Putney's latest lounge, Munki? The knitted chimp, that is; the chunky Northern nit would not look half as cute on its back bar. Located next to another reasaon to hit SW15, Toy Shop Bar ( http://tinyurl.com/lspeqwm), 'Munki' refers to its owner's childhood nickname. Had he been a classmate of mine at primary school, this gaff would be Giant Jobby Jobson's - not the sort of place to order Ruinart rosé and raspberry champagne cocktail. As the King of the (oldest) Swingers (in town), I'm drawn a selection of signature simian slugs. Maidstone Munki (a Monkey Shoulder sweetened sling served with rosemary, and sherry-marinaded sultanas) has my name on it, if not vodka-laced Munki that spilt the cream: I don't go ape over Kahlua, Frangelico, cream, honey and nutmeg in my martinis. TBH, why monkey around when the list includes classics such as aviation and sidecar? Tricked out in trompe l'oeil as a library-cum-study in a show home on a new neo-Georgian gated community in Surrey, limited space is maximised in the form of a mezzanine lounge above the bar. Any munki behaviour going down up there when I swing by? See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil; that's my motto - unless a gossip column editor is paying me.
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