Redemption, Notting Hill

The fates once conspired to land me a stretch in Los Angeles. That's 'stretch' as in incarceration, not limo. Having not yet learned to drive, too poor to afford a chauffeur, marooned in a city where wheels were an essential and public transport was for bums, bag ladies, rapists, axe-murderers, I'd spend my days trapped indoors with All My Children (ABC's now-defunct super-silly-soap) before the adults came home to liberate me, ferrying me along forever freeways to the latest 'happening' hangout in Brentwood, Burbank or Beverley Hills aka Millionheirhead Central. To a liquor-lovin' London lad, LA bar-hopping was a bore for, aeons before the mucky trend jumped the pond, Californian locals had gone loco for lo-Cal no-alc' cocktails: "mocktails." A tiki colada made with Malibu in Malibu was no longer the thing. Having, overnight, ditched his martini habit, my American born-again fitness freak friend (who would later, ironically, end up at both A.A. and N.A.) was a convert to Spirulina and Wheatgrass, a combo even less entertaining than ITV's Rosemary And Thyme. 
Fast forward to August 2015: having trialled the concept at pop-ups in Hackney and Holborn, Redemption's owner Catherine Salway has launched the country's 'first alcohol-free bar' (didn't they say say that about Saf in Shoreditch amongst others?), bringing the likes of ‘Apple mock-jito’ and ‘Beet-o-tini’ to Bayswater. Purely in the interests of research, I  try 'Lettuce Spray' (pulped iceberg leaves, wasabi, lime, cucumber and aloe vera juice) from her list of just six mocks. Problemo: they are fresh out of fresh aloe vera which, I recall from my LA sojourn, guards against gout, gastritis, gangrene and every grim condition going. Having specifically said how much I LOATHE coconut water, the bar's Dutch manager insists a green staffer, still in his salad days, fix my liquidised green salad using er, coconut water. "Don't worry! It'll be delicious." It is... in the same way the leftover contents of my fridge's 'Sta-Krisp' salad drawer are delicious after losing a fight with a NUTRIBULLET ®. "It's got absolutely no kick" I protest. "It needs more wasabi" opines Herr Holland, tasting it, not offering to make another, and charging me full whack for his wack, bastard imposter. Amsterdam Man's glowing pink skin - Clarins campaign-worthy - is surely down to his strict veggie diet? "No, I love meat."  Mmm me too.... and booze! Add a double slug of tequila to mask the taste of coconut water, his 'Coco-rita' could be a half-decent margarita. As the late-great Dean Martin said, 'I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they are going to feel all day.' That said, Salway's baby will fly: God knows there are enough gullible Gwynnie-Goop-swallowing bikram yoga-buff breadsticks in Notting Hill to support her mission to 'spoil yourself without spoiling yourself.' Me? Spoiled for choice in terms of nearby liquor lounges, I am, alas, beyond Redemption. 

6 Chepstow Road W2 5BH 07500 745 684 www.redemptionbar.co.uk

Harlesden Picture Palace, Harlesden

Opened in 1912 when the year's silent movies included The Conquest Of The Pole; The Musketeers Of Pig Alley; and The Water Nymph, by the 1980s, The Harlesden Picture Palace was reduced to screening blue movies - Musketeer Pigs' Poles' Conquest Of The Water Nympho's Alley among them, no doubt. Latterly, the old flea pit's fate was to host a Wetherspoon's pub. Fortunately, the curtain has fallen on that turkey and The Picture Palace can once again expect a full house in its new incarnation as funky bar, a feature attraction in up-and-coming (I'm told) Harlesden. Owners Antic - whose stable of quirky suburban socials include Deptford Job Centre, Balham Bowls and Farr’s School of Dancing in Dalston - have restored the place to something like its Edwardian prime, with a liberal sprinkle of 50s styling and fascinating film memorabilia. Set under the original balcony, lit by art nouveau crystal chandeliers, a long rosewood bar’s hand-pulls dispense Ladbroke Grove microbrewer Moncada’s Notting Hill Amber, great stuff from from Redemption and the owners’ own craft beer, The Full Monty Volden. Democratically priced wine includes the ubiquitous Picpoul de Pinet at just shy of £20. DJs play until 1.30 am at weekends when funk, jazz, ska, soul and popcorn (obscure, cult 1960s pop as played in Belgian dance-halls) are in the mix. Burgers and sandwiches will be served whilst a full kitchen is installed, planned for autumn 2015. Another silver screen star idolised by the flea pits original customers was Mary Pickford who starred in over 30 films in 1912 alone. No sign here of the classic rum and pineapple cocktail created for her when she visited the Hotel Nacional in Havana with Charlie Chaplin and Douglas Fairbanks, sadly
26 Manor Park Road NW10 4JJ 8965 4410. www.harlesdenpicturepalace.com

adapted from my review for www.squaremeal.co.uk

Crown and Shuttle, Shoreditch

Once, a seedy pole-dancing joint patronised by lonely Polish plumbers ("for cash I do you good deal, Mister sir") and dodgy Del Boy wankers - literally -  the Crown and Shuttle has reverted to its historic role as a public house. And a rather nice one that reflects the new beer fancier's needs, it is. Its mission? To slake thirsts with fine London ales such as Redemption Urban Dusk, East London Nightwatchman, Redchurch Old Ford stout (£3.60) and quality foreign brain-blasters. Wines from £17 include Pinot G at £26 and tasty street scran from a van - all gleamy 50s chrome - is one reason the urban courtyard garden out back is packed out. Another, is the chance to play table footie and ping-pong. The decor - all downbeat-bare-brick-distressed with a few 50s chairs lobbed in the mix - harks back to the days before this neighbourhood figured on most folk's radars. My date, who worked across the street in a branding agency before it felt compelled to move on to Plaistow, East Ham, Becontree or some other far-flung District Line exotic I'll no doubt be reporting back from, come 2015, as the new Shoreditch, sniffily dismisses some of The Crown's punters as 'suspiciously Barnsbury.' Meanwhile, due to cunningly placed signage, I'm about embarrass myself by mistaking a storage room for the bogs - and no, on one bloody Mary I am not bloody well pished! As it is, nobody notices. As far as the check shirt nu-Edwardian hirsute hipsters and shaven-headed Shoreditch pale and peculiars are concerned, interloping West London boy is invisible. 

226 Shoreditch High Street E1 6PJ 7375 2905  http://crownandshuttle.com/ 

Stormbird, Camberwell

Ousting the lost-its-Funky Munky, this rare bird is going down a storm with Camberwell hip hop lovers. That’s hip hop as in fashionable craft beers rather than as in blasted out of a nicked stereo in low rider wheels with blacked out windows, what to drive in a 'hood where a second-hand Saab will kill your cred...ston' dead. The spruced-up taphouse (now owned by the same folk as The Hermit’s Cave opposite) lacks signage: look for the Brooklyn Brewery neon through fold-back windows- the sign, a sign of good things within. A palisade of chrome spouts to shout about offers quality pints such as Brodie’s Citra, Ruination Old Foghorn, Redemption Urban Dusk (£3.20) and Deuchar’s IPA. Less familiar, are Odell’s Cut-throat Porter and Yeti Imperial Stout (available in 1/3 pint trial measures). Continentals include Schneider Weisse, Liefmans and ‘Kwak’ - as Jonathon Ross might pronounce ‘crack’, and every bit as addictive and popular down the road in Peckham I'm told. Also of interest, is a selection of perry and cider that includes presses from Symonds of Herefordshire.  One happy punter was moved to exclaim ‘the selection is mental good’. I would not disagree. The range is staggering.  So will you be, if you fire into Stormbird's fine whiskeys and wine from £12. 

25 Camberwell Church Street SE5 7708 4460 

Find more bar reviews at www.squaremeal.co.uk