Voltaire, Blackfriars

Located in the bowels of the Crowne Plaza hotel, this new City cocktail and champagne lounge's glitzy decor, oversized furniture and the sort of baroque scatter cushions I imagine are strewn around the Upper Class cabins on Air Dubai, strike me as the sort of thing the Crown Prince of Takijstan might fancy. He'll definitely fancy Volatire's selection of Pommery - the most comprehensive in London, I'm told - and a range of hand-rolled Cubans to be enjoyed on a smoking terrace that turns out to be more of an alleyway that ain't strictly palatial. Off it, kitted out with throne-sized armchairs, day beds, faux fur throws and iPod docking systems, a series of individual converted cellars carry names such 'the Wit', 'the Aphorist' and 'the Host'- the latter aimed at 'social butterflies and gentry with entourage in tow...' or was that 'entourage in TOWIE'? Welcome to Voltaire's USP - 'the vaults.'  Accommodating between 4 and 20 guests, these private cubby holes are 'ideal for fashion shows and hen parties', I learn. Importantly, 'what goes on in the vaults' - anything from City boys getting messy to somebody messing around with somebody else’s missus, I imagine - 'stays in the vaults' claims Voltaire's manager with a knowing wink. I'm squiring somebody else's missus tonight but any hanky panky, in our case, is limited to swapping salacious details of what a gold- digging tramp of our acquaintance has been getting up to with a (happily married) TV show host (whose name must also stay in the vaults, say my lawyers). Cocktails are hit and miss. File a basil and cucumber Hendricks sour (garnished with a trial size face mask from the hotel's spa!) under 'hit'; a chilli and parsley martini, subjectively described as 'All Things Nice, under 'miss.' Attractively presented bar snacks might best be filed under 'comme ci, comme ça.'  As far as cocktail bars within a two minute walk of Blackfriars station go, this one is a must; but to paraphrase Voltaire's great creation Candide, if this is truly 'le meilleur des mondes possibles', then I'm Baudelaire. 
19 New Bridge Street EC4 6DB 7438 8054 www.voltairebar.co.uk

Sky Lounge at Nido, Spittalfields (CLOSED)

Observed through panoramic windows from the 32nd floor, incoming aircraft looming towards us are a disquieting prospect  on this the tenth anniversary of 9/11. I've been security checked and whisked up to the top of of Spittalfields’s gleaming new ‘Nido’ tower, one of numerous less than impressive erections the poor old City has been stiffed with lately. Decanted into a suite of rooms with a view, my attack of jelly leg syndrome is compounded by a door flapping open in the breeze to reveal a thin grille, the only thing keeping me from becoming abstract art on Petticoat Lane’s pavement miles below. This then, is Sky Lounge E1 - as opposed to the similarly unimaginatively-named eyrie at the nearby Mint Hotel - a boxy, stark white duplex whose vista of the City and ‘burbs beyond is undeniably impressive. Conceived in pre-Lehman Brothers days as a fabulous penthouse  for some bonus happy banker; unsold, it ‘s been identified by an eagle-eyed promoter as a perfect pop-up bar opportunity. That it will only trade on Tuesday to Friday evenings until April 2012, helps explain the cheapo David Brent office interior punctuated by the occasional white stool, potted plant and tacky ‘art.’ Luxurious and pretty, it’s not. But when there’s Pommery at £9.50 and flat stuff from £5.75 to be had, am I complaining? Of course I am. A tenner for a mojito is a tad too elevated, nice view or not and in the absence of sushi, sashimi and other menu items not present, we get olives and breadsticks. Still, this is as close as you’ll get to the Twin Towers’ Windows on the World in east London, more my idea of a sky lounge to write home about. As I leave, the lift attendant, an inquisitive chap of Slavic origin, asks me how much I think such a penthouse might fetch. 'Dunno. £4 million?' I guesstimate. 'English people are nuts,' he observes, not unreasonably. 

Nido Spittalfields, 32nd Floor, 9 Frying Pan Alley, E1. 3137 3938

http://www.kaiuk.com/Sky_Lounge.html