Heliot at The Hippodrome, West End

When I was a yoof, Peter Stringfellow ran discos at The Hippodrome. One night, with an exotic tableau vivant as backdrop, we were in full ‘le freak, c’est chic’ mode when, quite without warning, the tableau's star turn, Queen Bluey, leapt into the audience. Cue pandemonium and a Daily Mail headline: ‘lioness scatters nightclub dancers.’ I survived unscathed; so too, Boy George, I recall. Now a Vegas style casino, the venue’s restaurant and red and black Tom Dixon-designed cocktail bar has been branded Heliot at the Hippodrome, after Claire Heliot, an Edwardian lady lion tamer who appeared here - albeit, not on the one night when they needed her most. Served by wenches in Moulin Rouge-lite costumes - why am I thinking ‘Ann Summers sale rail’? - Vesper, Gibson and brandy-based martini Delmonico are fair at £9.50; and bespoke cocktails by Tony Conigliaro, I’m told, will soon also appear. But Heliot’s USP is that it stays open 24/7 every day (except December 25th). After a night out, hole up here until the first Tube, spending the cab fare to Zone 5 you just saved on bubbly (from £25), hot dogs, sliders and croques (although perhaps not rubbery scotch eggs) and puff away, happy as Larry the lab beagle, on a terrace open to the night sky. I’m told there’s also a cabaret lounge where Dionne Warwick recently played and Suzi Quatro is to appear. Or did I hallucinate that? Anyway, Bluey was real: wanna come back to mine and see my Press clippings?

Cranbourn St WC2H 7JH  7769 8888 www.hippodromecasino.com

Blitz, Covent Garden (Now CLOSED)

(We could be Heroes: the original BLITZ)

Wait long enough - until uninterested staff quit gossiping among themselves  -  and a lucky lad might eventually cop a French Kiss. That’s a cognac, lime and champagne cocktail. But at this new Covent Garden bar/ restaurant/ nightclub, it might equally imply locking lips with a customer - hopefully, not herpes-prone Hervé from Le Havre. Haunting the same street as a statue of Oscar Wilde in repose, this site’s previous occupant, Kudos, was wowing lavenders back when Gina G was still in the charts. Fast forward two decades: as go-go boys gyrate  downstairs, the small dance floor rocks to commercial and hard house spun by current star boystown DJs such as Brent Nichols and Paul Heron. Sadly, the new decor seems Oooh Aah...Just a Little Bit stuck in the same decade as Gina and her camp contemporaries: gauche red and black punctuated by unintentionally hilarious ‘art’ of uncommon ugliness? Not quite Right Said Fred! Woo Woo, Kee-Wee and Blue Lagoon - postmodern irony or more evidence of a troubled time-warped mind at large? - cost £7.95, less on happy hour until 8pm or... 7pm depending on which chalk board you believe. (We'd have asked, but didn't think it polite to interrupt two staffers smoking and chatting outside)  Challenging house red wine causes my chum’s lips to pucker... and not in anticipation of a snog from any horny admirer. Tables are set for dinner. Soup of the day ('with bread'!); chicken breast, new potatoes and greens; ice cream or sorbet: I'm thinking boarding school dinners circa Thatcher the Milk Snatcher. Around the same time as Oscar-winner Meryl's study material was starting out as PM, another Covent Garden dive was being feted as the planet’s hippest nightclub. In their  floppy fringes and frilly blouses, Norf London fauxmosexuals, Spandau Ballet, were cutting long stories short on its stage, while its lippy hat check girl, Boy George, hung up coats and dreamed of the big time.  Those were the original Blitz kids, the seminal club, the brainchild of new romantic movement doyen, Steve Strange. Fast forward to 2012, and it's a case of Fade to Gay... mediocrity at its new namesake. 

10 Adelaide Street WC2 7240 1818 www.blitzbar.co.uk