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Thursday, 16 September 2010

Longitude 0.8: Mayfair

'Evolution' translates into English as crap decor)

I love a good hotel bar but tend to keep ‘em secret lest they be invaded by punters. So I’ll gloss over the subterranean speakeasy at Flemings Mayfair - with its melodramatic Douglas Sirk-y ‘50s-moderne jade and cerise interior and similarly camp staff who entertain us over knockout martinis and pink fizz fit for bubblehead blondes - and introduce you, instead, to Longitude 0º 8’. That daft mouthful pinpoints this new lounge’s precise geographic coordinates, lest any cabbie be unable find Le Méridien Piccadilly. There are positives: jolly staff gain brownie points, as do amuses and fruity alco-punch both served gratis during an elastic apperitivo ‘hour’ (from 5pm - 8pm). But I’m too egalitarian to dig three different sets of stemware and matching coasters that trumpet your cocktail’s ‘class’ as ‘economy, business or first’, according to base spirit selected. ’A Ryanair mojito, bartender!’ conjures up images of shelling out extra for ice and another quid to go for a slash. Then there’s the interior: ground whoever designed it! A shaggable Tanqueray 10 Gibson- at £16.50, no cheap date - deserves a seductive mise-en-scène, not a jarring greige and raspberry red riot that mixes Barratt show home ’blah!’, spirograph patterns, Space Age white plastic chairs, 60’s Scandinaviana that Ikea might fancy and an Illy espresso machine as art. Drinks 10; Staff 10; Decor 0.8, then?
Of course, if you're smart enough to follow the link below, you'll end up at Flemings. And 'thank f*** for that' you'll say.
Le Méridien Piccadilly, 21 Piccadilly W1 7734 8000

Flemings: camp enough for you, darlings?