Disco, Soho

Do I really need to go to... DISCO?

What: a new nightclub from Charlie Gilkes and Duncan Stirling - the brains behind Bunga Bunga and Maggie’s - disco promises ‘the glamour of Studio 54 and the atmosphere of Paradise Garage’ (I'll be the judge of that, mista!) with podium dancers and shirtless waiters in shiny tight shorts designed to show off their glitter-balls

Where: 13 Kingly Court, Soho. Twitter @DiscoSoho

When: from 28th June 

Pros: Ask the Hot Shot DJ for your fave Instant Replay, then get set to Jump To The Beat.  Do It Anyway You Wanna (Do It), and Dance Dance Dance (Yowsah! Yowsah! Yowsah!) at Funkytown’s latest Boogie Wonderland. Young Hearts Run Free, so after some (eye-to-eye) Contact, get ready to Get Down and Push Push (In The Bush) with those Bad Girls (toot, toot, yeh, beep, beep!!) 

Cons: none. A 70’s Disco Inferno? That’s The Way I Like It (uh-huh, uh-huh) and Shame Shame Shame, shame on you, if you can’t dance too! 

Go with: Gary’s Gang, Ms Grace, her Sister, Sledge, and Le Freak - coz He’s The Greatest Dancer.  

PS: bonus points to everyone that can identify who recorded all those big disco hits.
Here's one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5TlpUF2GGw

READ MY JULY 2013 REVIEW OF MY NIGHT AT DISCO here http://tinyurl.com/qfuqzdg

Don't Be A Dance-floor Donut: The Rules

How embarrassing! Breezing up to a nightclub door, you’re knocked back. Where did you go wrong? Maybe you broke THE RULES. Check out my essential disco dos and don'ts here http://tinyurl.com/bzr6292

(pictured: Studio 54 -the man in the moon's golden rule? 'Let it snow!')

Chinawhite, Oxford Circus CLOSED see REASON AND MANKIND)

I can think of many things to do with a spare £650: a down-payment on a Kilgour French whistle; roughing it for a fortnight on the Plage de Rocapine in Corsica; Botox vouchers for my old mucker Sharon Osborne (she of Cowley Avenue, Tring, not plate face's Mum) or, more prosaically, white Frette sheets. For some strange reason, membership of Chinawhite doesn't figure high on the list but if, like me, you're the wrong side of thirty (snigger), that's the tidy sum such a thing will set you back.  Yes, for an amount it will take a Chinese cockleshell gatherer up Morecambe way two lifetimes to earn, you can hang out with Now magazine fixtures to your heart's content.  I took up a (free) invitation to check it out and attend Rick Parfitt Jnr's birthday party: don't ask! Friend to the A-list stars, that's me and, as it happens, the lad's a sweetheart... if not exactly Jermyn Street. The whole reccie could have taken no more than six minutes in total - not least because my (genuine A-list) big-in-Anna-Wintour-Wonderland-date, T, was worried about being papped at such a place - but what I can reveal is that if you're drawn to hanging out with what appears to be the entire cast of The Only Way Is Essex on what would make a fabulous set for a commercial for Amoy Straight To Wok Noodles, or for that fetchingly styled Asian soft drink, Pocari Sweat, fire on down, pronto! Cocktails such as Porcelane Putih - or was it putain porcelaine? - and Creme de la Creme for the cream of Croydon cost £11 and, for the Waynes of this world, there are countless ways to blow 100 times the cost of this coveted membership in the course of your night: 'Oi, you! Krug Clos d'Ambonay '95 (£6,000) and Richard Hennessey (£4,000) for me and my mates and drag that old boiler in the corner over to my table while you're at it!' The music? No, not a clue. Sorry I never managed to find you on your big day Rick PJ  but next time, celebrate by hiring your local scout hall, get in a few cases of Co-op Cava and ask your old man's band to jam. Way cooler and much cheaper!


4 Winsley St W1 7290 0580
www.chinawhite.com


 CLOSED- Venue is now LIBERTINE  www.libertineclublondon.com/  See Reason and Mankind review (March 2013)