Sylvan Post, Forest Hill

It was a red letter day in disguise for Forest Hill when this bar opened in the old post office there. Postman Pat-erpernalia harks back to the premises past life and, at £3.70 or thereabouts for draft Sagres, Meantime IPA, Krusovice or Devon Red cider, how long before a pint here costs less than an actual first-class stamp? Craft beers are also popular: look out for casks from East London Brewing, Windsor & Eton and others. Tempranillo blends and Airén wine from Galicia come at the distinctly suburban price of £13.75 and there’s Chablis at around twice that in a list that offers many by the carafe and glass. Food,  served in the evening and at the weekend from noon, might typically include baked Camembert with chutney, potted duck rillettes, grilled halloumi salad with roasted summer vegetables and salsa verde (£7.50), Barnsley chop with Jersey royals and anchovy and caper dressing, smoked fishcakes, beef-burger, cheesecake and  Eton Mess.

24 - 28 Dartmouth Road SE23 3XU 8291 5712 www.sylvanpost.com

This review and others like it appear at www.squaremeal.co.uk

The Windsor Castle, Kensington

An old lady friend of mine has undergone cosmetic surgery. Tonight, I'm visiting The Windsor Castle again now the bandages are off. A listed atmospheric charmer, in its current guise, it has been serving genteel Kensington folk since 1835 - but there's been a tavern on the site since Shakespeare was a boy. Had the new dining room been around in his day,  dinner within might have been the inspiration for the bard's work. The Merry Wives of Windsor? A Comedy Of Errors, more like, performed by waiters whose roustabout routine lapses into farce at times. "Does anyone have a torch? I've dropped a £1 coin on the floor," pleads one. Having taken it barely seconds before, another waiter is back to ask what we ordered as "the ticket got lost between here and the kitchen." "You wanted rosé. This is red wine," beams same bright spark later, before exiting stage left. Behind us, a table of angry 'regulars'  pointedly deducts the 'service' charge. Another exasperated patron reckons Basil Fawlty must be in charge and, on and on it goes, like Hamlet, a tragedy in five acts. On a balmy evening, with a warm breeze blowing in from the busy, NOISY garden, our food is no Midsummer Night's Dream either.  On an ambitiously priced menu, quality ales are suggested to match each of 8 starters and six mains - Curious Brew an apposite choice for a most curious over-sweet/ under-seasoned pea soup that's poured from its serving jug, carelessly sloshed over (courtesy of that waiter again) a pointless 'soft-boiled' egg placed at its centre. The eye-bothering result is green gloop that brings back childhood memories of my father clearing frog spawn from his garden's unappetising soupy pond. My date's ham hock terrine is bland, its piccalilli insipid, seasonal leaves savagely a-salted by a thuggish dressing. Better, as it ought to be at £19, is attractively presented individual rabbit and crayfish puff pastry pie. Decent mash and al dente green beans, too. Pedestrian chips and astringent house relish accompany a ribeye bone marrow, Celtic Promise cheese and bacon burger.  How would you like it cooked?" "Medium rare please," says date, only to be informed several minutes later that the burger can only be cooked the way chef - "he's French, I think, and very particular", offers our waiter, sunnily - likes it (i.e medium to well). So  not As You Like It, dear diner. Either way, it would be a disappointing, sloppy assembly at half its £18 cost. My date is getting tetchy... and we all know what happened to Romeo when Juliet  went off the rails. We pass on English puds (from £6 ) and coffee so as to All's Well That Ends Well, who knows? 
114 Campden Hill Road W8 7AR 7243 8797 http://www.thewindsorcastlekensington.co.uk

Adapted from my review for www.squaremeal.co.uk

The Longroom, Clerkenwell

It must have taken them all of 5 seconds to come up with the name, but 'The Longroom' succintly sums up this new Smithfield pub. All sepia tone butch wood and tiles, its  Victorian warehouse vibe would work well as a location for a Whitechapel-esque whodunnit. Marooned in acres of space, the only punter in the place on a Sunday afternoon, I'd be spooked if the bartender were the spit of Jack The Ripper or Sweeney Todd. Reassuringly, the closest fictional reference I have for the small friendly Spanish chappie behind the counter is Manuel from Fawlty Towers. I can almost see the 'Que?" thought bubble form, cartoon comic book-like above his head, when I ask for a Virgin Mary - a January de-tox  must.  After a protracted pasa doble that is going nowhere, I finally seize the bull by the horns, suggesting I make the bloody thing myself. Smithfield's meat market (plus a quick raid on Gail's Bakery) is the larder for the principal ingredients of a terse menu's mainstay, salt beef on sourdough. Moist, tender, flaky, if slightly overpriced at £7.50, it's better than beer rarebit - more of an upmarket cheese toastie, of the sort whipped up by posh pished students around midnight. Soups - tomato or leek and potato- are similarly prosaic. No; the real stars here are the beers. Draughts include Meantime’s Yakima Red and ruby rich Highlands hottie, Black Isle Organic Porter. There's an interesting range of bottled brews  - Red Church Hackney Gold and Orchard Pig Charmer cider - and decent enough wines at won't-break-the-bank prices. Would I go back? If I lived or worked locally, yes...whenever I felt a sudden urge for a salt beef or Rubens sandwich. Having existed entirely on those - or pastrami offcuts when I was down to my last dollar as a sofa-surfing youth, living in squalor opposite Katz's Deli in Manhattan's then filthy-funky East Village, let me tell you; such occasions are few and far between.  

18- 20 John Street EC1M 7336 6099 www.thelongroompub.com